Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
