she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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