I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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