i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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