she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
