She said her name was "party"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
