Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
