i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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