i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
