So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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