My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
