I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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