There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He shit in the fireplace
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