did you get engaged???
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
