my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
