honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
