What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
