As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
