First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
BRING THE BAGELS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
