I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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