no, he came in my armpit
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
