Only a mothe r could love this liver
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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