is your mom at the bar?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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