Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
