we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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