Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
