I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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