My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever