you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.