What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."