Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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