Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?