You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.