it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
