I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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