He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
