There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
