upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
