please come you make the beer taste better
birth control should be required to get into college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
