I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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