He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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