Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
