Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
