How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
