you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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