fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
