I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize