I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
