I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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