So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
