why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
