who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
