Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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