It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
did you just send me my own nude
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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