This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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