Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
