You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
