I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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