Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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