Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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