peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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