Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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