Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
God, I missed his penis.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
