the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
