we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
They have beer where we have blood.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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