My boss' voice literally gives me gas
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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