My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
