she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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