i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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