Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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