I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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