The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
