Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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