They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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