It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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