Already got asked if we're dating
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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