Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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