Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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