It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
