I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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