well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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