her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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