Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
